Dating has become such a train wreck of an endeavor for the modern human. Are you talking or just texting, fucking or dating, is that Instagram art or do you just think my tits are great? These questions invade a mind constantly and there is no answer. That is the joke. Dating today is a joke.
As a practical feminist I hate to admit the puritanical binds that confined women and clearly defined dating were, for the most part, very functional.
You meet, you woo, you date, you marry, you fuck, have children and die.
So simple, so exact.
This clinical approach, at first, appears dry and unromantic, but really the best love stories follow this pattern.
Yes, there are variations that have breakups and drama peppered into the mix, but the result is always the same; pure and beautiful love.
Unfortunately, with women becoming more independent, social behavior becoming increasingly casual, and gender roles evolving there are no more guidelines.
Dating under modern circumstances has completely perverted the process through which people are supposed to connect their souls.
Today it is constant breakup, betrayal, drama and confusion peppered with brief glances of what could be romance and love; and the end result is never happy.
I met a boy drunk.
This is not a shocking or even remotely uncommon event, for girls my age.
I met a boy drunk and we thought we were fantastic.
The problem is, that people meet in these situations and they bare their all under the influence of liquid courage and then it becomes impossible to connect under sobriety.
You have seen this person at their most uninhibited and then suddenly, you are sharing a pot of coffee and bashful eye contact over eggs and awkward silence.
You feel you know so much about that person.
I mean you only interact intimately and honestly when you’re both unhindered and the rest of the time you spend in frightened observation; a person is bound to learn things under those circumstances.
So, while you are gathering observational knowledge, you also have to realize you know absolutely nothing about each other.
A person knows everything and simultaneously nothing: It is this paradox, and this catch twenty two, that defines dating today.
To one person this confusing interaction is defined as “fuck buddies.”
To another person this is a slowly moving relationship, where people are taking their time getting to soberly, and honestly, know each other.
It becomes an impossible situation because this “casual hook-up” meets “start crossed lovers” approach to finding a soul mate, then has the archaic rules of dating thrown in when convenient.
A girl is suddenly a slut for sleeping with a boy, even though that boy is simultaneously seeing other women who are seeing other men!
A boy is expected to buy meals, but it is offensive if he holds the door for the lady.
A girl is expected to be reserved and lady like, but also one of the guys.
A guy is supposed to treat a girl as his equal and also as his trophy.
The change in language only exacerbates this hellish path to agony.
Once upon a time, “I love you” meant, “I love you!” And then the world changed, and sex didn’t need love as a precursor and love did not need sex as a companion, so the meanings of this once heavy language became hallow and fake.
“I like you a lot”: archaically, that means a person wants to date, today it usually means that the speaker is lonely and needs a body to warm their bed.
“I am not seeing other people”: This use to mean, strictly, people were exclusive, but today it translates to the speaker meaning to say, “I haven’t found anyone better, yet.”
“You’re beautiful”: Once this was the highest respect you could pay another person. It is the speaker acknowledging the stunning and artistic features of another’s body and soul with adoration and respect. Nowadays it’s just a more polite way to say, “Fuck me, I’ll flatter you for a bit.”
This knot of a path would be worth it if there was an end, but it’s just a vicious, twisted and violent circle of hurt and broken hopes.
The end all is not even that the journey is so painful, or that we keep embarking, praying to find a happy ending; it’s that when you have finally had enough, when you are broken and bloody, you are not allowed to be upset.
As a modern lover, you are supposed to expect pain, loss, agony and emptiness.
It is the mark of a fool, if a person emerges from this war with the expectation of someone validating their emotions.
All is fair in love and war.
When you are bloody, no one will patch you up.
When you are confused, there are no answers and you should not ask for them.
When you are angry, no one cares.
And when you are sad and empty, people will tell you to get up and fight on.
People wonder why true love is so hard to find, it is because it no longer exists.
The act of courting has become the medium for people to break each other and have it be ok.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
This is the best dating advice a person can give in the twenty first century.
Give no one your consent.