Who ARE you!?

As a stipulation to my internship I am required to complete certain journal entries to get school credit for my work experience. The topics are preset and are usually something related to marketing your experience to get a career.
However, this week the prompt was to answer the question, “Tell me about yourself?”

My whole journal was bullshit, and I hate writing things that makes me appear better than I am.  I am honest, or I try to be as honest as I can be, and to sell myself out on such a stupid question killed a small chunk of my soul.
When I write, I never write with the intention of being “good”. I write because I have chaos and insanity inside my brain that won’t stop until I put it down on paper.
I loath when people write something and market it as the next great American novel.
Go ahead and write; write anything, but do not be pretentious enough to explain your “art” or to make it better than it is.
Some asshole I know told me that his art has no meaning; that he just takes pictures (he’s a photographer) because he likes the way something looks.
His work is phenomenal, and I am not the biggest fan of his personal character so you can trust that my opinion is unbiased.
I find that when you create with a set goal and strictly defined boundaries, whatever you produce is not really you.
What is worse is when you pretend that what you have created is better than it is.
Own up to your work, even if it’s shit, but do not spray paint your pile of literary crap gold and expect people to rush towards it.

Digressing, the following is what I would have written in response to that question if potential employers really wanted to know who I am.

“Tell me about yourself”

Me?
Well, I am short and curvy. I wear glasses and I never wake up and “do” my hair.
If you’re looking for someone who does their hair, I’m not right for this job.
I like to eat out a lot, mostly because I cannot cook to save my life. It’s hereditary I think, because my mother cannot cook either. Therefore, it would be discriminatory for you to judge me by a genetic defect.
I love the rain. It has all the peace of snow, without the long term commitment of an altered environment. Take from that what you will.
To be honest with you, I drink a lot. I would not say I am an alcoholic, although I’m sure if I was one I would be the last to know. It has never effected my work, but if you see me out on a Friday night, try not to judge me too harshly.
I write often and that is why I want this job.
I read somewhere that there are two kinds of artists. The kind of people who make art just for the sake of it and the kind of people who have no choice but to make art. I am most certainly the latter.
Sometimes I think my head will completely blow off if I do not relieve the pressure inside of it created by billions of words floating around and bashing into the sides of my skull.

Do not get me wrong, I do not think that I am anything special, or that my writing is moving or prophetic in any way, I just know that it comes naturally.
Am I perfect for this job? Statistics say, probably not. There will always be someone smarter or better suited for anything one tries to do in life. However, statistics also say your chances of finding that person who is the best, are slim to none.

You should hire me because I’ll do my job and I will do it well. I have had so many shitty jobs where not only was I constantly pissed on day in and day out, I hated what I did and all the people I interacted with, and I still managed to do good work under those conditions.
Hire me because I want this job.
Fuck! I’ll do it for half the pay!
Consider hiring me as an act of good karma. Yes, I just bribed you with good karma.
Just please give me the opportunity to have a job that makes me happy.
In short, pun intended, I have no intention of selling you a fake version of myself. I am capable, honest, (who wouldn’t want those qualities in an employee?) and adaptable. I’m sure, if given the opportunity, I would be a good fit for the available position.

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