Late night ramblings

I don’t usually post via mobile device, usually because the format sucks and so does my dexterity.  

My mental state currently sucks so it’s fitting for once. 
So, you know what else sucks? Waiting. Especially waiting for something not promised and fickle by nature, such as trust. 
I inherently expect people to trust me until I give them a reason not to, however I do not trust other people easily. There are some who would say that I do not actually trust anyone fully. 
They’re probably right. 
It’s extremely frustrating because I am sure most people are this way; they expect people to trust them but do not trust anyone else. 
This leaves you with two entities that want a deeper understanding, but roadblock any progress. 
I don’t know why this happens. 
For me, I block out of fear, but I won’t speak for all of human nature on this topic. 
What I do know is that something has to give and someone has to be too trusting, get invested, for the process of trust to be expedited instead of relying on vulnerability. 
That probably will not ever occur, but if it did I think life would be far nicer. People would know one another better, relationships would be truer, and alliances would actually mean something. 
Honestly though, I probably won’t be the one to start that trend. Too much risk. 

Just an Update

I have not really written about my actual life in a while.

I am afraid I’m becoming dull.

It is not that nothing is happening in my life, but more that whatever is happening is trivial.

I’m feeling pent up.
I haven’t traveled since October.
The weather in this town has been abusively hot and muggy. If the heat did not relent today, I swore I was going to shave my cats for their own comfort.
I am getting fed up with my job.
I am giving up on my planned trip for family reasons.

Basically this all comes down to me being irritable and finding everything else useless, hence why I haven’t posted.
If something comes up you will be the first to know.

Moving on down.

This past May I finally moved out of my parent’s dwellings and into my very own little apartment!

I’ve been inching out the door since the day I graduated high school.
First I moved off to NYC and did the dorm thing, then I moved home for the summer with a boyfriend, then to Brooklyn, then back to that boyfriend’s parent’s house and then back to my Dad’s after we broke up.

During this first phase I was essentially on my own, but without the full financial burden of really living on my own.

God, I miss those days.

After crashing at my Father’s for a few weeks I couldn’t take living at that house for various reasons, so I rented a room at my Mother’s apartment with her boyfriend.
After they broke up, she and I rented an apartment in the Silver Lake section of Providence.
It wasn’t until I fully moved out on my own that I realized how much my parents did for me, even when I was essentially their roommate.

Things like food in the fridge, a bathroom that is always clean, nice furniture, a break when my rent is late, and the comfort of living with family were all traded in for insecurity, an empty pantry, no furniture and a litter box that no longer scoops itself!

It’s not glamorous, I assure you.

I’m extremely lucky in the sense that I did not have to move out, I chose to.

Many people who have to live on their own tell people like me to stay with my parents as long as possible because it’s cheap and easy.

At 22 living on your own is not like Gossip Girl, and it’s not like Girls.
I would say even Two Broke Girls is a stretch; at least they have matching furniture…

Cheap and Easy.

Life is not supposed to be easy and it certainly is not cheap, so why lie to yourself any longer than you have to?