If your booze was your love life

A while ago, in my former single days, I tweeted, “I like my vodka to be like my relationships: cold and on the rocks.”

At a time, I think that was probably true, and it explains why I was single for a while.
It takes a unique man to handle me.

Vodka on the rocks is a tangible illustration of my personality and my dating habits.
I’m abrasively straightforward, not a lot of superfluous drivel, and I’m hard for a lot of people to handle.

For your convenience, I’ve compiled a list of assumptions I’ve derived from what you’re drinking at the bar. You’re welcome.

What Your Booze Says About You (at least to me….)

Vodka on the Rocks- You’re closed off, a bit tumultuous, kind of aggressive in certain situations and have a very black and white approach to life. You like things to be like your beverage, clear.

Martini: You’re dry. Your humor, your voice, and probably your skin.

Sex on the Beach- You enjoy warm weather, sand between your…Β toes, and probably have actually had a romantic time at the beach instead of drunkenly frying like the rest of us.

Jack and Coke- You’re probably an alcoholic and you just haven’t reached the level of zero fucks given to order your whiskey without the cola. Those days are coming, I assure you.

Water and Vodka- Yes, there are people who do this and they’re just being ridiculous in my opinion. That’s all I’ll say about that.

Wine- Ordering wine (not at a wine bar) means you’re forty, or you’re underaged and did not know what else to order. OR you’re trying to appear classy. Although, if you’re drinking wine in any of my favorite hangs, you’re also probably lost.

Tequila- You will be losing your pants in the near, usually very near, future.

Gin- You’re bitter. I’m not sure about what, but you’re bitter about something.

Beer: Good beer will have me thinking you’re an intellect, bad beer makes me think I’ve wandered into a frat house.

If I missed a drink that you find particularly telling please add it on in the comments! ❀


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