It’s finals week and like every other student since the beginning of time I’m up to my ears in papers and regret because of all the procrastinating I did.
I’m also feeling unbelievably unsuccessful.
I don’t know if that’s a normal feeling for a six year undergraduate, or if it’s related to that ugly disease “depression”, but I really do not feel like I’ve done anything of worth.
I feel like everything I write is absolute shit and that this
stupidly expensive adventure called college will never end, and that almost everyone around me is wasting my time and I’m wasting my own time because I can’t find a purpose or people who value me and won’t bring me down or leave me behind or betray me.
I know I’ve made amazing strides since last year, I’m definitely not an alcoholic any more, I’m better with money, I have a new job, I’m blogging semi-regularly, I’ve sent my book out to several agents (*fingers crossed*) and in many ways getting my shit together, but I just don’t see it as enough.
Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s moving home.
I have no idea, but I hope it passes.
I’m not sure that there’s a point to this post, except to maybe reach out and see if anyone else ever feels this way and get some advice on what they do to cope.