Over cupcakes and wine, I was telling a close friend about the blog’s new direction when she offhandedly remarked, “And to think, you use say you were not a feminist.” she paused, “You kind of hated women.”
That kind of brutal honesty is when you know you have a true lady in your life. ❤
It’s sad, but true: I was not always a feminist. In fact, I was known for being the anti-feminist with the catch phrase “I hate women” which was then followed up by a list of reasons women suck.
Really it was just a list of reasons why I sucked.
I thought feminists were too pushy and opinionated. That the term “feminist” had too much stigma attached to it. Grade A patriarchal brain washing right here!
I’m not super proud of this.
Even when I started to finally identify strongly as a feminist, I refrained from talking about my opinions and issues I faced because I felt like I had no agency. I felt like my less than clean record for being a supportive woman meant that I had no ground to stand on.
I realize now, the aforementioned concern is really stupid.
If I can’t believe in my own change, how can I expect others to change? If I can’t offer others the opportunity to reevaluate and evolve then I am writing for nothing.
This is part of the reason I chose not to start a new blog, but rather continue writing from here where my history and progress are documented.
I’m really fucking imperfect. I still find myself thinking petty things, getting intimidated by other women and not talking kindly all the time. I guess the growth is found in my realizing I’m doing these things and once becoming aware, not consciously participating.
I hold hope that if I can go from proudly announcing that I hate women, to a self proclaimed feminist killjoy, maybe I can inspire a few converts along my journey.
Until next time.