Orlando

This was a blog I wrote in the aftermath of the Orlando tragedy.

 

 

What do you even say in the aftermath of this?

I read the news a lot and I consider myself pretty distanced from what I read. It’s sad, but you can’t read the news and take it all to heart, you will die. It’s just too sad. And, to be honest, with all the tragedy in the world, my life seams eons away from it. Any sadness I feel is sincere sympathy, but not painfully deep and hurting sadness. I can’t feel what I don’t know.

I am pro racial equality, but the reality is my friend circle is mostly white. I’m for a fair minimum wage, but my actual job pays really well and my friends are mostly gainfully employed. I’m very much about interfaith peace, but I come from a christian background. All the hateful, hurtful things that happen in this world, at best, glance on the reality I actively reside in.  Orlando. Orlando is so different.

I have gay family members. I had a gay musical mentor growing up. I lived theater/music all through high school and through that scene made so many friends in the LGBTQA community. And as an adult, I have so many beautiful souls that I love, who identify within the LGBTQA community.  Orlando hurts.

Part of me hurts so much because I see these news reports and think about “what if that were my town” and how many of my friends and acquaintances I would lose.  Another part hurts because I am so angry at people in my life who had all their prayers on hand for Paris, for Ferguson, for every other damn tragedy, but all they have now are quotes about radical Islam. What the actual fuck. Where are the good vibes, the positivity, the love for these people? And another part of me is mad at myself. How am I even on speaking terms with people who can look at this heartbreaking tragedy and not see only horror? Another part of me feels foolish for even feeling anything because I’m a lucky one! My family and friends are alive and well.

There aren’t words bold and beautiful enough to express everything running through my mind, so I’ll leave it with this:

To those in Orlando, my heart breaks for you. I’m sorry.

To my friends and family in the LGBTQA community. I love you. Stay safe. Stay strong. Stay proud. 

Until next time ❤

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