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This past month I’ve had to pleasure to celebrate the birthdays of a few people who mean a lot to me, so this post is for you.

The women I have in my life, the ones who I get to call my best friends, are truly one in a million.

I have a hard time explaining the love I have for them because for someone to understand the connection we have they need to first understand me. I am a walking contradiction in many ways; always late, forever annoyed at other people’s carelessness, a grammar snob who refuses to edit the posts she puts up on her own blog, the blog that she hopes people read, but never talks about in public. I’m also ruthlessly flaky. I have a long history of poor and erratic decision making. I am hard to connect with. I struggle with empathy, I have a hard time taking myself seriously and other people too, even when the consequences are no joke.

I’m seemingly unlovable on many levels, something I’ve been told by romantic and platonic friendships past.

And so, everyday I am amazed that I was fortunate enough to find these rare people in this vast world and that they choose, still after all this time, to stick by my side. These are the people who show up when I’m in crisis with coffee. People who saved my life when I didn’t want it. People who tell me when I’m being a piece of shit and then forgive me anyway. People who trust me enough to leave me alone with their children. People who when we go months without speaking and it never changes a thing between us.

There aren’t enough words and even if there were I’m not a gifted enough writer to make them beautiful enough to express how much you all mean to me.

So I’ll just say this: I love you. Thank you.

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FriendDate

Roses are white,

I’m turning blue,

Whilst holding my breath for a new friend true.

I had a friend date this past week.

Let me clarify.

A friend date is what I’ve started calling it when two ladies, not looking to meet up in anyway sexually, hang out and trying figure out if they’re going to be friends moving forward.

What I’m finding is that friend-dating is harshly akin to real life dating. And I’m really bad at it.

To give a little context, I’m bad at sexual dating. Or rather, I’m really good at dating in my own way. I did after all, find my husband to be through this method.

I’m a “sex on the first night” kind of girl, an “I don’t want to know your last name” kind of girl, a true believer in “if I remember your name and number tomorrow, maybe it’s fate and if not ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”. I’ll stop there with the details, but I found this system cut through a lot of the bullshit, it immediately opened people up because (surprise!) it’s easier to be open with people when you’re both naked (in my experience). Usually, I could avoid the attachment that comes with the mundane art of “getting to know” someone, and in one night figure out if the sex was good, in general what kind of soul you had, usually a good amount about your childhood and that was enough for me to either figure out if you were worth truly getting close to or not.

Efficient, right?

Needless to say that method doesn’t work when friend dating because the whole point of friendship is to emotionally bond with someone. Hence why I have precious few friends.

I don’t necessarily think having few friends is a bad thing, but I am finding it puts a lot of pressure on that special handful of people to be my one and only support. But also, I’m a HUGE believer in Shine Theory and I’m out to really surround myself with radiant people, so I’m diversifying my portfolio a little these days.

So far I’ve had two dates that went reasonably well, I think. Both were with super smart inspiring women. I’ll keep you posted on the progress, fingers crossed!

Anyway, if you’re also on a quest to find new friends, I’ve compiled a list of handy items below:

  • One of my dates gave me this book she read called MWF Seaking BFF by Rachel Bertsche about the author’s quest to find a best friend in a new city. This book is the bible for FriendDating.
  • HeyVina! is this awesome app that has you fill out a quick profile and then matches ladies with other ladies seeking friends in the area! It’s awesome if you’re a solo traveler or moving to a new city (shameless self plug: I’ll be writing for their VinaZine so you should check that out too!).
  • Cats & Wine: these are good to have on hand just in general, but especially when you get stood up, or have a bad frienddate.

Anyway, feel free to share your FriendDate experiences, I’m sure I’ll share mine.

Until next time ❤